Table of Contents
Prologue: Hello. Bones 1
Part I
The First Skinny Dip 5
Little Bones 8
Estonian Islands and the Great Shampoo Calamity 9
You Were Once the Size of a Thumb 11
Porch Hushin' 13
Loon 15
Love is a Midnight Thunderstorm 16
Nightstand Music 17
Deep Cover 19
The Coral Snake Hates his Neck 20
The Body as July 22
Part II
The Awful Sound of Packing Tape 29
Island Breaks 30
Waverunner! Nice Wake! 32
I Wish I Could Happen Again 34
How Can You Hate Oranges? 36
The Butter 38
Like A Dumpster Full of Flowers 40
Seam. Stress 41
Spring Whack 42
Part III
Giggin' Frogs 47
Lost In Lisbon 48
Evening of Tel Aviv Dancers 49
Crazy We Don't Think There's Pain in Barcelona 51
How to be a Better Stranger 52
How to Love Your Small Town 53
Derrick C. Brown: Entrepreneur of the Year 55
From 1993-1999 I Was a Born Again Abstinent Magician and Made a List of My Standards for Dating So I Could Get Married Around the Age of 24 56
Derrick C. Brown's Yearbook of Impossible Things 58
Jumbo's Clown Room Is Us 59
You're Stewed, Buttwad 61
The Vet 62
A Jealous God Hovering in the Dead Lights 63
Endless Factory 64
Stars Hiss Out 65
Pearl of Great Price 66
Hello. Sailboat Sheets 67
Hello. Finish Your Will 68
Hello. It Doesn't Matter 69
Moonplosion 71
Derrick C. Brown is the Disneyland of Comedy 72
