Table of Contents
Introduction Todd Harra xi
Part I First Calls and Removals 1
1 The Scream 3
2 Lost in Translation 8
3 Patch Out 12
4 The Fly Swatter Saga 15
5 Business Hours 20
6 Grandma Talk-Talk 25
7 A Case of Mistaken Identity 29
8 Ousting the Coroner 35
9 Spare Donuts 41
10 Severe Clear 47
11 Roadblock 51
12 Human Wedge 59
Part II Where Art Meets Science 63
13 The Man Who Cheated Death 65
14 The Unwitting Smuggler 70
15 Men and Makeup 73
16 A Solution for Sagging 78
17 The Glass Eye and Other Expectations 82
18 Tattoo You? 86
19 Ever Seen a Dead Man Move? 89
Part III Family Matters 93
20 Lesson: Never Go to Bed Angry 95
21 Buried in the Nude 100
22 Walk the Walk 104
23 Death Knell of Jefferson and Adams 108
24 The Killer Customer 112
25 The Comedian 116
26 Hearse of a Different Make 120
27 Shot-Putted Urn 123
28 Last Wishes 126
Part IV Wakes, Funerals, and Burials 129
29 My Bar Story 131
30 The Dove 135
31 A Hug, a Hope 138
32 Wake Combat 141
33 Lucky 146
34 Believe in the Butterfly 150
35 Continuum 154
36 The Prodigal Son 156
37 Duel at High Noon 160
38 Wives and Girlfriends 163
39 The World Record Holder 166
40 Third from Right 172
Part V In Our Private Lives 177
41 Feathers and Fridges 179
42 Till Death 184
43 Date Destination: "The Morgue" 189
44 Gobble Gobble 195
45 The Tapestry of Life 199
46 The Gay Man in the Wine Bottle 207
47 The First Date 213
48 Ironic Injustice 216
49 Windsor or Prince Albert? 221
50 Thaleia 224
Acknowledgments 231