Table of Contents
Foreword xv
The kitchen (family and nostalgia)
Homeless 3
Repressed 4
I am tired 6
Subjective 7
Where do i go from here 9
Crying through space and time 10
Blooming in concrete 12
When i'm alone / in a coffee shop / i find myself 13
Vanilla 14
Estranged 16
To be announced 19
Aching in tandem 21
Thin lines 23
Paths 25
Untangle 26
Deep down 28
Prism 31
Mistakes 33
Dream homes 35
Family 36
The attic (mental illness)
My old self 39
When i wake 41
The slightest bit lonely 43
Yellow 45
The shape of lonely 46
I hate you, please hold me 47
The brutal line 48
I am grateful you are not me 49
Middle ground 51
Outage 52
My anxiety keeps me warm 53
Too soon 54
Slip 55
Real things 56
A kind of amnesia 57
How it feels to panic in ordinary places 59
Grounded 60
Panic/overcome 62
Melt 65
The gradual onset of okayness 67
The bedroom (love and sexuality)
St. Christopher 71
Werewolf 72
The little things 74
Undying 75
Vows 76
What brings me peace 77
Still dreamy 78
Magnetic 80
The likeness of him 82
Mojave 85
The difference 86
Romanticizing the unromantic 88
What else is there 89
What it feels like sometimes 90
One fantasy 92
Two souls 93
Chameleon 94
An ode to almost lovers 95
The moon 97
Intimacy 98
The bathroom (self-image and introspection)
Impostor syndrome 101
How should i define these smudged edges 103
Caelum 105
Brooklyn baby 107
I do what i'm supposed to 108
Baby teeth 109
Multitudes 110
Hiding, being found. 111
Sad girl energy 113
Float away 114
Cold hands hold no expectations 116
Protection 117
I would like to be remembered as someone who never gave up 119
Purpose 120
Self-talk 121
French braids 123
Impossibilities 125
Thirties 127
Soft 129
How to love 130
The garden (beauty and daydreams)
Something beautiful 135
Open ends 136
The tenderness of autumn 139
Center of the universe 140
I fall asleep to wake up 141
Warmth 142
The first day of spring 143
My dog is my role model 144
Lovely 146
Unprovoked 147
Philadelphia in may (a daydream) 148
Orion 149
The birds 151
Write it all down 153
All of the beauty i am ready to be 154
Regardless 157
When in doubt look up 158
The world is a beautiful place 159
Don't waste them 160
Gratitude 161
The front porch (hope and encouragement)
What happens next 165
When i kept going 167
Give yourself a break 168
It's not too late 169
Old oak tree 171
One million paths all lead back to you 173
July will be better than june 174
I hope you live (a letter to my future self) 175
Embrace 177
Constant reminders 178
Slow down 180
Significance 181
Awareness 183
To love is to live 185
The cost of things 186
Please don't settle 188
Random, lucky. 189
So it goes 190
I don't hate february anymore 192
You are home 193
Afterword 197
Acknowledgments 201
